Thursday, January 8, 2009

Not another piece of pure bullshit

Place the wounded on a pedestal
And leave them be

As for the detested one
O unwanted one
I dub thee sacrilegious
For I hold her sacred
If nothing more

Jeez I sound like a religious book. In any case, this just came out at random... was going through a lot of shitty emo feelings (not that I'm proud of it). Everything's cool, though I still can't concentrate enough on certain things. The only thing I look forward to is a phone call, since I've lost all interest in going outdoors and hanging out with a bunch of fags who come to me for answers to their problems and, in turn, try to fix my life. Other than that, it's just reading books or surfing the net. Fun.

Life is headed downhill once again. Why are some people so fucking narrow-minded? And while we're on the topic, why do some people make it so fucking difficult for others to live their lives in peace? It's like everyone out there is out to get me. I lost the only person I ever truly had feelings for, just because she found out that her ex cheated on her for six fucking years. Why am I being punished for something I didn't do? Not that I mind the sex, but seriously, that really isn't exactly what my feelings for her are all about. She means the world to me. The only reason I'm sticking around is because she says she loves me. She just doesn't want anything to do with relationships. Fine then. As long as I can spend time with her it's okay. But I can't help but feel jealous of other people who are happy with their loved ones and show off their love without shame. I want to be proud and show her off to my friends; not as a showpiece (as she puts it) but as a person who makes me the happiest fuck to have ever walked the face of the earth. She doesn't get it... neither does she believe me, since she thinks I'm better off with someone else. I'm really fucking confused and I don't know how much more of this depression I can take. It's the same damn thing all over again. But I can't help but hang on... for her.

I guess the point of this site is to talk about other random stuff like how mainstream music is effecting the underground music scene in my country and whatnot, but right now, I couldn't give two shits about what's happening in this shithole of a planet. Everyone else is a fucking doorknob and they expect me to believe that they understand what I'm going through. The only other person I believe right now is her and I can't help but feel insignificant. I don't know how I think I can keep her happy. If I'm not good enough for her to show and tell her friends that I have the capability to keep her happy, then I'm not sure if I'm good enough for anything.

Oh fuck... fuckitty fuck shit COCK!! I'VE TURNED INTO AN EMO FREAKSHOW!!

...excuse me while I go drown myself.

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